Let the Children Come to Me... Why I Ran the Other Way

If you were a child during the 1970's, you probably remember The Bible Story books by Arthur Maxwell. I remember seeing advertising for them in a lot of different places. They'd come in with the junk mail, they'd be posted on the supermarket bulletin board and sorted in with the magazines in the waiting rooms at doctor's and dentist's offices. I'm thinking they were a fairly widely marketed set of books. I never personally owned any of them, though I wanted to. What I did own though, were the little advertising postcards the publisher used to market them. On one side was a photo of the book covers and on the other was a form to fill out and send in for more information about how to purchase the entire set. I'm guessing they were expensive books, but I didn't much care. All I knew was that I liked collecting the bible pictures that were on the front of the postcards. They were one of the first images I had of Jesus Christ.

So there was Jesus - bearded, white robed and a lover of children. All in all, He seemed like a pretty nice guy. But there were at least two problems that this image created for me, two terrible contradictions that weren't resolved for nearly 28 years:

One, the image made no sense. I just couldn't reconcile a loving Jesus with a Jesus that turned away and did nothing to protect me from sexual abuse. I was told He was God, I was told that He held the whole world in His hands - so what did that mean for the abuse? I was told He loved me and this image of Him should have illustrated that. But I didn't feel His love. If Jesus was really there, in my heart, then He was there when I was abused and if He was there when I was abused, then that meant He did nothing to stop it. He turned away from me. Sadly, I concluded that while Jesus may have loved the little children, He didn't love this one. And that hurt.

Two, the image clashed with my reality. My experience with sexual abuse twisted and perverted the picture of any man inviting children into his lap, whether He was Jesus or not. I didn't trust grown men and their laps anymore. Frankly, the image disturbed me. I secretly wondered why Jesus encouraged them to be so physically close to him. Was it a trick? A game that would turn obscene later when no one else was looking?

In catholic church, I can remember being taught the following passages of scripture:

"...He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14).

and

"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:2-4).

Again, all I could see was the contradiction. In my mind, the truths of these scriptures just weren't lining up with the reality of my experience. Slowly, I chose to follow the pain and hurt of my experiences and I rejected a loving Jesus that thought children were the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. I rejected Him. When Jesus said, "come." I said, "run." And I did.

Perhaps, some of my fellow journeyers have done the same. Perhaps you too heard about the love of Christ, only to have abuse cause you to reject it. Perhaps you too have a distorted view of Jesus.

I want to share with you the rest of what Jesus said that day in the story recounted in Matthew 18.

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!" (Mathew 18:5-7).

Please read that again and let it sit with you. What follows may be a bit of spiritualizing, but I need to share this. A few years back, the Holy Spirit used this verse to pry open my heart and allow my bitterness, anger and mistrust against Jesus to melt away. I can't explain it. It is the power of scripture. For me, it was like looking directly into the eyes of Jesus and having Him say - "My sweet child, I never wanted that for you. Woe to the men through which that pain came. Return to me and I will set you free."

The hardness of my heart was softened that day and I have been returning to Him ever since. Fellow Journeyers, I am not for certain if these verses will have the same effect on you and your childhood pain as they had on me and mine, but if you have any hardness against Jesus, I pray that they will. I love you all. Jesus loves you all.